One Last Risk Read online

  “You helped get me out of the car.” She wasn’t sure if that was a statement or a question, but he answered her anyway.

  “I did. I was first on the scene. Stacey, Jake, and I extracted you and got you up the hill into the ambulance. You were in and out of consciousness most of the time.”

  “Thank them for me.”

  “We were just doing our job.”

  “You’re a paramedic?”

  A few moments passed. He didn’t answer, but quirked his mouth and furrowed his brow. “Yes, Stacey and I are paramedics with Company One, and Jake’s a firefighter.”

  The strength she’d mustered earlier began to slip away and she lowered her eyes. Just a moment to rest and then she’ll call Jessica.

  “You’re probably exhausted. Let me get your phone so you can call your sister. I’m going to head out now if you think you’ll be okay.”

  “I can’t believe you stayed. You didn’t have to do that.”

  “Yes, I did. This is where I wanted to be.” Lucas stared at her for a moment before standing. He grabbed her cell phone off the windowsill near his chair and handed it to her before gesturing to the side of the bed. “That button calls the nurse. You call her if you need anything. I’ll check in on you later. And in case you want it, I’ve put my name and number in your phone.”

  “Thank you, again. For everything.” Sarah grabbed his hand and squeezed. A simple thanks would never be enough after he made sure she would be around for her daughter. But she’d find a better way to thank him after she recovered.

  Lucas smiled one last time before he turned and left.

  She didn’t understand everything that happened, how she found herself in a hospital bed with Lucas by her side. But one thing she understood was the attraction she felt toward him. And unless she’d gotten her wires completely crossed, she’d seen the same thing in his eyes.

  She pressed her sister’s speed dial button on her cell phone.

  “Lucas? Sarah? Who’s there?” Jessica’s frantic voice echoed through the phone.

  “It’s me.” She flopped her head back on the pillow. She didn’t have the energy to deal with her sister’s panic right now.

  “Oh, Sarah. Thank God you’re alright. I’ve been worried sick. Do you know what happened?”

  “Bits and pieces, that’s all. How’s Lily?”

  “She’s good. I didn’t tell her anything. I figured she didn’t need to know right away. I’ll tell her before I come get you. When does the doctor think you’ll get out?”

  “I haven’t seen the doctor. The nurse thought I’d probably go home tomorrow.”

  “That’s fine. I can bring Lily and Nicky with me to pick you up.”

  “I really appreciate this. I feel so bad putting you out for this extra time. Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely.”

  If only she hadn’t moved away from Philly… insisted on starting over somewhere new, this wouldn’t have happened. “Can I talk to Lily?”

  “Sure. One minute.”

  She drew in a deep breath and plastered a smile on her face. She didn’t want to scare Lily when they talked.

  “Hi, Mommy.”

  Tears rolled down Sarah’s cheeks. Her sweet little girl was safe. She drew in a deep breath and tried to sound upbeat. “Hey, baby. Are you having fun with Aunt Jessica?”

  “Yeah, Mommy. She said I get to stay again tonight.” Lily, in her innocence, didn’t know that Sarah couldn’t care for her daughter right now anyway. She’d already experienced enough sadness in her life. Let her enjoy her time with Jessica for another day.

  “Aunt Jessica will bring you home tomorrow, okay?”

  “Okay, Mommy. I love you.”

  “I love you, too, baby.”

  She heard a clank through the phone and figured Lily had run off to play.

  “You still there, Sarah?” Jessica’s voice picked up where Lily’s left off.

  “Yeah, I’m still here.”

  “You sound tired. You need your rest. I’m going to let you go. Thank Lucas again for calling me. I was hysterical when you didn’t text me. And when you’re feeling better”—Jessica’s voice lowered and Sarah strained to hear her next words—“we’re going to talk about him.”

  Chapter Six

  SPARSELY DECORATED CONCRETE walls circled Dr. James’s depressing waiting room. How anyone could feel better about their life while staring at these walls escaped him. Sitting in this room didn’t make him feel any better. He didn’t want to be here, but to get back on the engine, this is where he needed to be. He just didn’t have to like it. No way would a shrink understand what drove him to act as he did.

  So much had happened in the past week. The barn fire and his suspension. Meeting Sarah in the coffee shop and then responding to her accident. Being with her this morning in her hospital room. Not a normal week by any stretch of the imagination.

  She’d been brave and strong. She was in pain, but she remained calm throughout her ordeal. Even this morning.

  When Jake had handed him her cell phone after they arrived at the hospital, there had been several panicky, worried texts from someone named Jessica. Lucas had pressed a button to return the call, and Sarah’s sister had frantically answered. After calming her down, he informed Jessica that Sarah had been in an accident but that she appeared to be okay. Jessica explained that Sarah had been returning to town after dropping off her daughter for the night.

  Daughter? She had a daughter. That changed things. Where was Lily’s father? What was the story there? At the hospital, he’d had to bite his tongue—asking about Lily had been about to spring from his mouth. At least he’d had the sensibility to keep quiet. Sarah didn’t need an inquisition after what she’d endured.

  He was attracted to Sarah, and he’d seen desire in her shy smile and her nervous fidgeting. But a daughter complicated the situation. Leaving a lover behind if he died was one thing, but a child was ten times worse. Poor Eli didn’t know his father because Shawn had died when the boy was young. There was no way Lucas could be a firefighter and have a family. The risk was too great. Being a firefighter was in his blood and was more than his job, it was his life. And that would never change.

  “Lucas Bennett?”

  A tall, slender woman with long red hair stood in the doorway. Lucas wiped his hands down his jeans, stood, and dragged his feet toward the open door where torture awaited on the other side. With each step, his pulse quickened.

  She extended her hand. He stared at it for a moment, eyeing the exit, plotting how quickly he could rush out the door and not subject himself to this meeting. He didn’t need to be a seasoned patient to know she would poke at areas he’d left buried for a long time, memories he had no interest in unearthing. But if he didn’t do this, he had no chance to get back on the engine. Finally, he extended his and shook her hand quickly.

  “I’m Dr. James. You must be Lucas.”

  “That’d be me.”

  “Well, come on in, Lucas, and have a seat.”

  He hovered in the doorway and covered his mouth with his hand to stifle a laugh. A stereotypical shrink’s couch sat against the opposite wall. No way would he lie there and bare his soul. Instead, he sized up one of the cushioned armchairs flanking the coffee table in the middle of the room. He shuffled his feet across the floor, and Dr. James chose the matching chair, a notepad poised precariously on her lap. She crossed her legs and sat back.

  The whooshing of the ceiling fan and repetitive tick, tick, tick of the clock on the wall broke the silence. Torturous sounds, over and over. She was staring at him. No questions. Nothing. If she expected him to pour out his thoughts just because she refused to speak first, she was sorely mistaken. “So, how’s this supposed to work?”

  “Why don’t we start with you telling me why you’re here?”

  “Because the Captain made me come. I didn’t really want to.” He sighed, raking his fingers through his hair, then lowered his hands. He dug his fingers into his knees. That was
the only thing keeping him sitting in the chair instead of bolting for the door.

  The doctor maintained a neutral, uninterested look on her face. “Okay, so you don’t want to be here. Fine. Why did the captain make you come?”

  “Because I’m an idiot.”

  Dr. James laughed, a single haughty cough out of her throat. “Alright, that’s a little better. Tell me why you think you’re an idiot.”

  He clasped his hands together between his knees and lowered his head. His heart raced and he drew in a breath. He was used to tense situations. Every fire he stormed into was stressful. He could do this. Then why did he feel like he was taking on the beast with only his bare hands? He thought of some of the important events in his career as a firefighter—Shawn in happier times, and then his untimely death. The fire in the barn that led him to Dr. James’s doorstep. And then the images transformed and he was picturing the sight of Sarah’s body, limp and slumped over the steering wheel of her car.

  He just wanted to put all of it behind him, keep his nose clean, and get back on the engine where he belonged. Damn Cap for making him come here and pour all the ugliness out to someone who couldn’t possibly understand what he was going through, what drove him. But he’d gone too far when he burst into that barn alone and the crew shouldn’t have to pay the price for his stupidity.

  “I ran into a burning barn and nearly got myself killed.”

  The doctor didn’t speak. Her focus didn’t shift, staying locked on him, her gaze revealing nothing. Wasn’t she going to respond? Ask him how that made him feel? The silence poked at him like a cattle prod, each second more painful than the previous.

  He opened his mouth and then closed it again. He crossed his right leg over his left knee, and then lowered it again to the floor—all while the doctor sat in silence. He crossed his arms and then released them, shaking his hands by his side. The silence was overwhelming and before he realized it, he was spilling his guts. “I shouldn’t have gone in, and the captain had to send two guys in after me. We barely got out alive.”

  “Why do you think you did that?”

  That was the million-dollar question. One he’d mulled over since the fire. Figuring out the answer would solve all his problems. If only the answer were that simple. He knew why he went in—because he was the only one that could risk it. The other men had families, wives and kids. There was no one in his life to leave behind. He had to be the one to take on the danger. “I don’t know.”

  “Come on, Lucas. Dig deeper and think about it. Really think about what crossed your mind as you ran into the flames.”

  “I didn’t want the family to lose everything.” He paused. What else could he say to help her understand that what drove him was settled deep in his gut. “I couldn’t let it happen again like I did the last time.”

  “What last time?”

  “When Shawn died.”

  “Tell me about Shawn.”

  He hesitated a moment and then smiled. He could fill hours with stories about his buddy. “He was a smart-ass. No doubt about it. He had this cocky grin he would throw at you, and you knew you were in for it. He could pull pranks better than anyone I knew. He loved being a firefighter, and he loved Regena and Eli.”

  Dr. James smiled but didn’t respond.

  “He had everything to live for and should be here today. If I hadn’t left him…”

  Bright orange and red flames leapt from the roof of the house as the engine pulled up. Lucas studied the scene in front of him, adrenaline coursing through his veins. His heart raced—he lived for this. The moment just before the battle began. The excitement of taking on the fire, bringing it under control. His hands vibrated with anticipation. He threw a look across the bench to Shawn, seated on the other side of the rig.

  “This is going to be a bad one.” Lucas snatched his helmet from the hook behind him and shoved it onto his head.

  “Yep.” Shawn did the same, the ever-present cocky grin on his face.

  The rest of the company clamored off the engine and hustled to lay the lines and connect to the hydrants while he and Shawn waited for their assignment. They usually rescued trapped residents after the crew started fighting the fire. It was dangerous but fulfilling. Shawn agreed, normally, but today, he seemed a bit apprehensive.

  Lucas clapped his hand on Shawn’s shoulder, but he just shook it off. Shawn knew as well as anyone that distraction on duty got men killed, so he would tuck away his concerns about remaining a firefighter now that he had a family. If anything, Shawn was a professional. Nothing would get in the way of getting the job done.

  “Bennett. Easton. You guys ready?” Captain Craddock’s voice rang out in Lucas’s ear.

  They checked and cross-checked each other’s oxygen tanks and distress signals. Lucas pulled a mask down over his face and secured his unit; Shawn did the same. Bouncing on the balls of his feet and twisting his head side to side, Lucas worked any last-minute nervous kinks out of his shoulders. Safety measures were important, but the beast ate more of the home every minute they delayed.

  “Thumbs up, Cap,” Lucas said.

  “Same here, Cap,” Shawn echoed.

  “Okay, you two. Listen up. Family of four. No one’s seen them. Five minutes, tops, to sweep the upstairs. Get going.”

  After confirming the operation of their radios, the captain smacked Lucas on the back. He and Shawn hustled up the walk and into the front door of the burning house.

  As soon as they entered, the smoke swirled around them. Lucas gritted his teeth. A large, open stairway stood right inside the door. Shawn motioned to Lucas, and together, they crept up the stairs.

  When they reached the top, Shawn gestured to Lucas. “You head that way, check those bedrooms. I’ll hit the master bedroom.”

  “Captain said to stay together.”

  “This’ll be quicker. We’ll get out of here long before five minutes,” Shawn said.

  Lucas didn’t want to separate, but it would be faster. He turned to the right, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. Reaching the first door, he placed his hand against it. Cool. Thank God. He released a breath and yelled out a warning to anyone who might have been behind the door.

  “Stand back. I’m coming in.”

  Lifting his boot, he kicked at the middle of the door, easily breaking it away from the doorframe. He entered the room, his eyes sweeping left to right. He quickly checked possible hiding places, under the bed and in the closet, relieved to find the room empty.

  He exited the room and raced across the hall, the door already open. A quick check of that room told him it was also empty.

  Tapping his radio, he transmitted a status update. “Rooms three and four clear. No occupants. Shawn, what’s your status?”

  No answer.

  “Easton. Status update.”

  Silence.

  Lucas darted through thick smoke toward the other end of the house. Flames lapped at the floor from the open foyer below. He burst through the open door of the master bedroom and found Shawn lying on the floor, looking under the bed. Lucas tapped him on the shoulder. Shawn reeled, his eyes wide. Lucas waved his arm, motioning for Shawn to follow him back out.

  Shawn violently shook his head.

  Lucas grabbed his wrist and pulled him toward the door. After initially resisting, Shawn finally relented and they sprinted out of the bedroom. Once they reached the hall, Lucas turned back to Shawn, tapping his earpiece and mouthing a question at the same time. Shawn shook his head again. Still no radio.

  Flames had almost fully engulfed the stairs. Lucas motioned for Shawn to follow him down. Lucas placed a boot on the first step, Shawn right behind him. They eased their way down together. As Lucas reached the second landing, the house fell silent, as though the roar of the fire had stopped. A splintering sound filled the air. Lucas lifted his foot and found only air as he stepped forward. Bending his knees, he put everything he had into leaping off the stairs that cracked beneath him. His boots slammed onto the floor right b
efore the steps collapsed. Righting himself, he turned back to look for Shawn.

  “Shawn?”

  No answer.

  “Man down,” he shouted into his radio. “Captain, man down. Stairs collapsed. Shawn was behind me and I don’t see him. I’m going to look for him.”

  “Negative, Bennett. You’re low on air.”

  “But, Captain…”

  “That’s an order, Bennett. OUT! NOW!”

  Lucas shouted for his partner and friend one more time. Receiving no answer, he darted out of the house and down the walk. He ripped off his mask and stumbled toward the curb. He struggled to draw breath. Shawn’s DSU beeped in Lucas’s ear, which meant Shawn hadn’t moved in thirty seconds. The captain rushed toward Lucas and he couldn’t contain his anger. “Dammit, Captain. I want back in there. NOW. Give me another tank. I’m good to go. I need to get Shawn.”

  “Lucas, take a breath. Jake and Drew are heading in. Go have Stacey check you out.”

  Lucas took a step toward the house and the Captain gripped his arm, holding him back. “Don’t even think about it.”

  Lucas rested his hands on his knees, drawing in ragged breaths as the thundering sound of the roof collapsing had him turning around.

  SHAWN!

  “Lucas. Lucas!” Dr. James shook his shoulder. “Are you alright?”

  His chest heaved and his hands shook. Sweat poured down his neck and soaked his shirt. How long were the memories gonna keep coming back? He rubbed his hands up his face, his palm coming back wet. Tilting his head and lifting his shoulders, he wiped his eyes on the arms of his T-shirt. He responded a garbled, “Yeah.” He cleared his throat and tried again. “I’m okay.”

  The doctor returned to her chair. “What just happened?”

  “I don’t know. You asked me about Shawn and suddenly it was like I was back there again. Leaving Shawn in the house. Him dying because of me.”