Chasing Hope Read online

  Serena pressed on her arm and nudged her toward the park. “Nonsense. I have to be here anyway and you guys could use a little Aiden-free time, I imagine.”

  Maddie laughed as Serena waggled her eyebrows. She checked with Justin and he smiled. He was leaving it up to her. Always the gentleman. She turned back to Serena. “Sounds great. Just text if he becomes too much.”

  They said their goodbyes to Aiden, who barely acknowledged their departure, and headed into the festival. She drew in a deep breath, and the scent of crabapple and cherry blossoms and a wide array of flowers filled her senses. She loved the warmer weather when the trees bloomed and the grass grew anew, everything springing forth with new life. Every year, spring gave Maddie hope.

  When she thought back to last spring, she never could have imagined that she would be where she was right now. She expected to at least be pregnant if not already having a baby. Instead she was separated from her husband and a potential pregnancy wasn’t even on the horizon.

  * * *

  Justin settled his arm around Maddie’s waist as they ambled around the festival. The warmth of her curves against him, the sweet smile on her face as she looked up at him, had him wanting to find the first tree to duck behind and make out like they were teenagers. Especially since they hadn’t followed through after their session in the car the other day.

  The stress lines on Maddie’s face relaxed as they wove among the tents featuring local businesses and made their way to the activity section. Town organizers had tried to expand the festival a couple of years ago, wanting to add midway style games and rides, but the residents had balked. The small-town feel of the festival was what drew attendees from as far away as Oak Grove.

  Justin scanned the crowd. Had Rachel ever been to the crabapple festival? He could have been near her before and never known it. He shook his head. None of that mattered. They would meet Rachel on Tuesday and no amount of worrying would make that come any sooner… or go any smoother.

  “Oh, look,” Maddie cried and extended her hand.

  He looked to where she was pointing and saw Wanda Harrison herding a small group of kids, including Sofia, across the park. The little girl had caught Maddie’s eye at Serena’s shelter, but Maddie had also run out, the pain of hearing the child’s story too much to bear. Justin tightened his arm around Maddie’s waist, wanting her to know that he was there for her, no matter what. But the smile on Maddie’s face today must mean that she had put the earlier incident behind her.

  Maddie tugged him toward the group. “Hey, Wanda.”

  The woman waved. She bent down and whispered something to Sofia and the little girl spun around, a huge smile directed at Maddie.

  Maddie knelt and put herself at Sofia’s level. It hurt Justin’s heart to see how good Maddie was with kids and to know that he couldn’t give her the one thing she wanted most—a baby. But he was right that their relationship was still too precarious to consider bringing another child into it now. What if they couldn’t resolve their differences? That would mean two of his kids would grow up with a part-time father, and that was unacceptable to him. The alternative was staying in an unhappy situation for the sake of the kids, something his mother had done. Again, not a situation he was willing to consider.

  “What do you think about that, Justin?”

  “What? I’m sorry. I was zoned out for a minute.”

  Maddie tucked her hand in Justin’s elbow. “I was saying that we could take Sofia and have her bob for some crabapples, maybe run one of the races with the other kids.”

  Justin gritted his teeth. He was just thinking that they weren’t ready to expand their family, and now Maddie wanted to spend time with Sofia. But he couldn’t say no to her when her eyes lit up so brightly every minute she spent with the girl. “Sure. How about we go get Aiden, too?”

  Ten minutes later, Aiden and Sofia were skipping ahead of Justin and Maddie, their arms linked. The sight had his heart beating faster. Aiden was so good with other kids. He deserved to have a brother or sister. But he wasn’t sure Maddie getting closer to Sofia was the answer to their problems. Her heart had broken when she’d last seen Sofia. what if something else happened to trigger the heartbreak again?

  Aiden pulled Sofia toward the basins full of water, crabapples floating on top. He’d tried bobbing for crabapples… once… when he was a kid. One of the few times Dad had brought him to the Crabapple Festival. Little did Aiden and Sofia know that they were about to get a mouth full of sour. There was a reason that the adults stood by and watched while the kids joined in. Except for Maddie, who had climbed down onto the ground beside Sofia and Aiden and was about to demonstrate.

  “Maddie, wait—”

  He was too late. Maddie’s face was buried in the water and she came up, flinging her hair back off her face, a small crabapple in her mouth. She threw a huge smile at Sofia, but as she bit into the fruit, her face transformed and she squeezed her eyes closed.

  He couldn’t help but laugh.

  Maddie’s attention was solely focused on Sofia, almost to Aiden’s detriment. That concerned him. Maddie had come a long way with her need to have a baby, despite her frustrations after making love the other night. But he couldn’t help but be wary.

  Substituting one obsession for another was not the right answer, but he didn’t know how to stop it. Maybe spending time with Sofia today wasn’t the best thing for Maddie while they were still finding their way back to each other and she was accepting the fact that they might not have other kids.

  Maddie stepped up beside him and rested her hand on his arm. He hadn’t even seen her stand up, so focused on the worst-case scenario. “What’s wrong?”

  He didn’t want to be the one to extinguish her light. To take away the happiness that she had found in Sofia. That didn’t mean he wasn’t concerned, but he didn’t need to raise the alarm with Maddie. At least not today. He shook his head and snaked his arm around her waist, pulling her close so she was pressed to his side. Right where she belonged. “Nothing. Today is a great day, isn’t it?”

  “It is. Because we’re here as a family.”

  And that was the bottom line. Their family was healthier than they had been in a long time, and he and Maddie were on the path to reconciliation. He just needed to keep his eye on the end goal.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Thank God Aiden fell asleep as soon as they tucked him in bed after the Crabapple Festival. Maddie wanted, no, she needed, this time alone with Justin. The innocent, or not so innocent, touches throughout the day ignited a flame deep inside of her. All throughout dinner, he’d thrown her heated glances across the table, his hand snaking beneath the tablecloth to stroke her thigh. His fingers had teased their way up her leg until she leaned into his touch, hoping to direct it where she needed it most. But he just pulled back, a wolfish grin on his face. He’d known exactly what he was doing the entire time.

  The minute she shut Aiden’s door, Justin’s hands were on her, his fingers digging in to her waist as his lips found the skin behind her ear.

  “Oh God, that feels so good.” Her words were huffed on a breath, hardly sounding like the strong woman she tried to convince everyone that she was.

  He spun her around, his mouth crashing down on hers. She clung to his back, needing something, anything to hold on to—to keep from being swept away by the intensity of his claiming. Who knew that after all this time that her husband could still turn her on like this? After the months, maybe years, where their intimacy had been overshadowed by her own preoccupations, the building intensity in her belly felt, well, it felt good.

  To know that she did this to him was intoxicating.

  He steered her toward their bedroom, his lips never leaving hers, kicking the door closed behind him. Darkness surrounded them, cloaked them in intimacy. She needed more—she needed to feel his skin on hers. To connect with him. She clawed at his shirt, ripping the fabric out of the jeans that had been driving her wild all day, until her hands found the hea
ted skin on his lower back. And then she danced her fingers around his front, over his impressive abs and up his chest.

  His gaze locked on hers as he pushed her away, yanking his shirt over his head in a single motion and then reaching for hers. Her bra followed and then his arms came around her. They were skin to skin, her breasts pillowing against his chest, his heat surrounding her.

  He reached for her waist, the warmth of his fingers tickling across her skin and then, she was completely bare from the waist up. Then her feet were lifted off the ground. Justin found her lips with his as he strode to their bed, unceremoniously dropping her on the mattress. She scrambled up the bed, watching as his hands fumbled with his belt. A minute later, his jeans and boxer briefs dropped to the floor and he was gloriously naked. The years had been good to Justin and he was as fit now as he had been playing ball. And he was all hers.

  Heat pooled deep in her gut, sending tingles through her body. She squeezed her thighs together against the growing ache, but Justin was having none of that.

  He started at her ankles, pressing his hands between her legs, and making room for himself as he crept up the bed. Like a panther stalking his prey, his movements were slow and deliberate, drawing out her torture. The smirk on his face was a sure sign he knew exactly what he did to her.

  Finally, he covered her body with his, his delicious weight a comfort over her. Oh, how she had missed this, the closeness that they shared. In the early days of their marriage, making love had always been deep and passionate, a few days together between his long absences on the road with the team. It wasn’t unusual for them to spend an entire day in bed, only breaking for food. Even that sometimes wasn’t a break, as she fondly remembered more than one session on the kitchen table, or the counter, or…

  “What are you thinking?”

  His words penetrated the sensual fog in her mind, the sound breaking the cocoon that surrounded them. “I was thinking about when we were first married, when you were traveling all the time and how intense it was on the days you came home.”

  “I remember missing you so much on the road that I almost considered quitting.”

  Her eyes widened. “Really? You never told me that. You love baseball. It’s all you ever wanted to do.”

  “But I loved you more. Baseball had always been an escape, a way to be away from my father as much as possible growing up. It just turned out I was pretty good at it.”

  “I’d say you were. I was impressed that first day I saw you play.”

  His hands slid up, his fingers threading into her hair. “I have to admit, I was trying to impress you. From the moment I saw you in the stands, I knew I wanted to meet you.”

  “I’m really glad Amanda dragged me out to the game that day. I almost didn’t come.” The things she was learning about him, even after all this time. If only they had kept talking like this, had not lost sight of them as a couple, maybe they wouldn’t be where they were right now.

  “I knew that if I kissed you...” He slid his lips along her cheek, his breath hot against her skin as he whispered in her ear. “…I’d have to have you.”

  “And you did. You do. Always.”

  Something deeper, more intimate, joined the desire in his expression. He didn’t say anything else, letting his lips and hands speak for him.

  He slid down her body, the moist heat of his mouth hovering over her breasts, pebbling her nipples.

  “I love how you respond to me.” His words filled the air just before he wrapped his lips around her nipple, the delicious suction sending a jolt straight to her core.

  She wiggled beneath him, needing the feel of his thickness against her. Anything to satisfy the ache building deep inside her. She couldn’t take much more of the delicious torture.

  And why should she?

  She pushed at his chest and he backed off, a confused expression on his face. She pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “I just want to feel you all over, to be completely naked with you.”

  He threw her that smirk she loved so much and reached for her waist. Her hands joined his and together they stripped her jeans and panties down, leaving her bare. Exposed. Justin had always been able to see through her, to know what she needed that she would never say. And until recently, they had been in sync in that regard.

  His finger brushed under her chin. “Stay here. With me. In this moment. It’s just the two of us. None of those other distractions can get to us here.”

  She shook off her doubts as he laid her back. His hand brushed down her body, lingering over her hips before parting her thighs. Right where she wanted him. Where she needed him. He slipped two fingers into her as he slid his tongue into her mouth. She gasped at the assault of sensation but then relaxed into what Justin was doing to her body. To her soul.

  He reached deep inside her, brushing his fingertips against that spot that drove her out of her mind. She squeezed her eyes shut and let her body take over, every cell reaching for her release. But before she could tumble over the edge, he withdrew his fingers. Her eyes flew open to find Justin staring at her while he ripped open a condom and rolled it on.

  He was only gone a minute and then he was back, his fingers playing her like a finely-tuned instrument, picking up where he’d left off. He swept around her core, brushing over her clit, each circle driving her higher and higher.

  And then his hands were on her hips and he thrust into her, filling her completely in a single stroke and forcing a moan from her lips. When they connected like this, even in the beginning, Maddie was convinced that nothing could come between them. That they would always be together and Justin could chase away the loneliness that infused her soul.

  This was what their life had been missing all this time. Justin was right. They hadn’t been making love. They’d been having sex. Because making love included a connection, a deep coming together of two souls to become one. Their relationship had been missing that. For a long time. But they’d found that connection again, and she would do everything she could to hold on tight.

  “Maddie, look at me.” Justin’s voice hovered right above her and she wrenched her eyes open. “I want to see you.”

  He saw her. He’d always seen her.

  He withdrew and thrust again, and her hips rose to meet him. Over and over, the delicious friction of him inside her drove all thoughts out of her mind, her sole focus on what she was feeling. Physically... and emotionally. The slick sliding of Justin’s body as he thrust into her, the delicious pressure on her clit each time, the stretching and filling her fully. Like he completed her. And she completed him.

  She was so close, every cell of her body taut, screaming for release. Just when she thought she couldn’t stand it another moment, Justin reached between them and squeezed her clit.

  Stars exploded behind her eyes and she screamed. Justin captured the sounds with his mouth as she rode out wave after wave of exquisite pleasure, his thrusts driving every ounce of it out of her. His arms shook and sweat coated his chest, a sure sign he was close himself.

  She clenched her internal muscles, holding him to her. That was all it took and Justin groaned, his erection pulsing deep inside her as he found his own release.

  He collapsed over her, his head thumping onto the pillow beside hers as his weight laid heavy on top of her. She sucked in a deep breath. His chest heaved above her as he caught her breath, their matching heartbeats slowing.

  “Wow,” he huffed against her ear.

  “Yeah, that.”

  “I don’t know where that came from, but that was unbelievable. There was, I don’t know, something different about you. Something I haven’t seen in a long time.”

  He was right, of course. “For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t thinking of anything else. All day today, all I could think about was being with you. Like this. You’ve always had a way of giving me exactly what I didn’t know I needed.”

  His gaze softened and pure love washed over her. “I missed this Maddie. I’m so glad she’s bac
k, and I’m going to do everything I can to make sure that I don’t let her get away again.”

  As Justin disposed of the condom and settled in beside her, she wrapped herself up in that thought, afraid to let her mind stray for fear of fracturing the fragile peace between them. Could it really be that easy? Could they find each other again when so much was unresolved? She hoped so.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Ever since they spent time with Sofia at the festival, Maddie’s mind had been racing with thoughts, ideas, ways that she could help that little girl find something good in her life and maybe at the same time fill a gap deep in Maddie’s soul.

  Justin had spent Sunday with her and Aiden, a wonderful family day, just the three of them. But she hadn’t found the time to bring up a conversation this important. They couldn’t risk being interrupted by Aiden, and she didn’t want the conversation to devolve into an argument with her son in earshot. Not that she thought it would, but she hadn’t been able to gauge Justin’s level of interest beyond what she had observed of his interactions with Sofia on Saturday.

  And then he’d left before Aiden had gone to bed, citing a need to get ready for a busy Monday, so she hadn’t had an opportunity to discuss her thoughts with him before she found herself standing outside Wanda’s office this morning. She was just collecting information. It would be better if she knew more before she broached the subject with Justin, anyway.

  “Hey, Maddie, come on in.” Wanda’s ever-present smile brightened Maddie’s day. She didn’t know how the woman was able to stay so upbeat and happy considering the heartbreaking situations she dealt with day in and day out.

  “I appreciate you seeing me on such short notice.” Maddie perched on the edge of the couch in Wanda’s office, her hands clenched in her lap. She had spent the past few hours rehearsing what she’d say to Wanda when she met with her, but now all of the words escaped her.